JAPANEXILE

I knew before I came to Japan that I would be spending at least one day a week working at the local hospital. It was an on running joke on training and prior to that with my friends that I would have to sponge bath old ladies. No amount of joking could have possibly prepared me for the task.

But before I divulge too many details about said task however, a little about the slightly less off putting work I do up there. I’m so far behind for this post that I don’t actually remember when I started at the Hospital; I think it was the first week in October. But irregardless, the first morning was spent being introduced to every single department in the Hospital. Despite having had to introduce myself many a time since I’ve been here, I still couldn’t think of anything more interesting to say other that “My name is Tom, I’m 18, pleased to meet you” Which really must have got boring for Fumi (our translator/receptionist) and the Hospital director. Although come to think of he he cracked the same joke 4 times as well. After all the introductions we were shown the staff room and forced small talk together for 20minutes, after which Fumi and the director left Craig and I to have a well earned nap for an hour.

An hour later the chief nurse came to collect us and explain our first task. Of course not knowing English the actual explaining was left for Fumi to do. So first up, lunchtime - for the patients, not us. Our job was to feed those who currently aren’t in a fit state to do so. My first customer was a grumpy old sod, who decided to prove to me he could eat himself by downing his bowl of soup in one. Next went the jelly - downed in one. Thankfully someone reprimanded him then so he behaved a little. Craig seemed to be having a whale of a time with the woman he was helping. Thankfully the next woman was a nice old lady, who (like many people out here I might add) commented that I look like Tom Cruise. After she had thanked me for the 10th time it was our turn for lunch. Thank god, that 30mins of work really took it out of me. After lunch it was down to the rehab clinic.

I honestly don’t think there are many things funnier than watching 20 paraplegics play wheelchair volleyball. The patients are split into two teams and line up either side of a low hanging rope two or three rows deep. The volleyball in this case is a large balloon. Our job, along with the other staff is to keep the balloon ‘in play’ at all costs. We’re given a little stool on wheels to get around on and can only use out left hand. The patients on the other hand (see the pun) can use use both hands, and any appendage for that matter. But to be honest it doesn’t really matter what they are allowed to use, at least half of them cannot physically move by themselves, so the balloon rather comically just bounces slowly off them. The few patients who do still have mobility in their arms batter it as hard as the can toward the other team, or into the back of the head of the aforementioned patients who can’t move. Some may say you shouldn’t laugh at such a thing, I say no human would be able to resist laughing. The rest of the staff do anyway, and I’m sure, inside, the patients are smiling

And the last bit of work we’ve done at the hospital so far (apart from the bathing etc, which I’ll get onto soon) is of course as entertainers extraudinaire, we were asked(told?) to do some Karaoke for the Hospital bash. We were the opening act, either meaning they wanted to start strong or get us out of the way quickly. Who knows. Craig and I performed a stunning duet of James Blunt’s “You’re beautiful” followed by “Wisemen” By no coincidence those two tracks are one after another each other on a CD I had lying around. That’s how prepared we were. I thought one of the old dears was trying to dance during our performance, although I now know its more of a habit she has than actual dancing. I think one of the main reasons for this little performance of ours was so NHK had something interesting to film.

And now, onto the fun job. Changing and bathing. We haven’t actually done the bathing part yet, but somehow I doubt it’ll be any worse than the changing. What can I say about it really? We go in, close the curtain, wrestle them out of their clothes, take off the diaper, cover them with a blanket. Get out of there as fast as possible and recollect my thoughts. Once they’ve been taken away for a bath we go back in, straighten the bed, lay out a new diaper, and eagerly await their return so we can get them into said diaper. Its mostly bearable, by no means pleasant. But by continually reminding myself it’ll soon be over and by looking at the ceiling a whole lot I can get through it. Craig was rather unnervingly calm during the whole thing, perhaps even enjoying it. Which either says he’s a person able to deal with rather odd situations very well, or he has some serious grandmother issues. Perhaps I’ll ask him after he reads this!

This part of the job is sort of optional, if we really want we can say no, and be put on bed making duty. Which I am considering, tho I decided I’d give it a little more time to see if things improve and I become desensitized. Either that or Ill lose my mind. Honestly, its enough to put you off sex for life. And the smell of some of them…dear lord. Their bodies are covered in what I assume is a mix of embalming fluid/moisturiser so they’re really slippy, meaning you have to hold on to them far tighter than I want to when changing them. I’ll do another short update on how the washing goes when I can. I don’t have many pictures for the hospital unfortunately (fortunately perhaps?) despite this, I managed to find a few.